Wednesday, July 25, 2012

it was time

for quite some time now, deep within my brain ,  thoughts have been stirring.  thoughts, questions, and fears about when is the appropriate time to slightly scratch the surface on finding out just how much seany knows about being adopted.  our intentions were never to keep it a secret, but still at the age of four and a half he's  yet to ask questions. i know it may sound crazy because it's obvious he is very much unique in appearance compared to the rest of our family but to me this can only mean one thing, he feels loved, accepted, and complete with where he has landed in his short little lifetime.  with that being said i will continue on by saying i am definitely not naive to the fact and am all to aware that times may get tough down the road.

i went to get my hair chopped last thurdsay, and my friend who cuts it is the mother of two beautiful girls through adoption.  it's so enjoyable to chat and compare intimate family stories and journeys that not many others can relate.  we got on the subject of how much her girls already knew about being adopted and at that very moment i almost felt defeated as the mother of an adopted child.  she said her plan was for her girls to always know and be proud of being adopted and hopefully diffuse the the possibilities of it "being an issue" in the future.  wait... those were my exact wishes for seany.  i want him to be proud of who he is now, where he came from, and make the most out of what there is to come in his future.  have i waited to long? did i already set us up for "an issue"?

i drove home that evening with not only a new hairdo but a new goal that had to be accomplished much sooner than later.  as soon as i arrived home i instantly told hank about the conversation and told him we "must tell him".( insert devastating  music here)  i could tell he was a bit leery of the plan i had just abruptly delivered, but after going into more details on the subject he too agreed. how was i going to take such a fragile situation and shine just the perfect amount of light on it?

i went to the library and checked out every single book they had on adoption for children and headed home. i try and make a habit of reading to the boys each night anyway so i figured if i planted the new books amongst the existing books,  it would just feel normal when it came time to read them.

last night was the night to get the ball rolling.  it was time to possibly find out if sean knew more about being adopted than he led us to believe.  as a family, we climbed up on the top bunk in seany's room and daddy  pulled out a couple books to be read.  he carefully handed me the books, almost as if he were handing me a ticking time bomb.  i opened the first book and started to read.  with every turn of the page hank and i would glance at each other with reassuring eyes that everything was going to be okay.  i was nervous, but to the boys it was just another book.  i kept peeking over at sean every time the word adoption trickled from my mouth.  i read every word with caution and elaborated further in my own words on how special and wonderful it was to be adopted.  seany agreed, but never referred to himself as being similar to the child in the book.

well one book down, and things were sailing smoothly.  i began  reading the second book and still no reaction from either child.  the second book even included details about the baby growing in one mommy's belly while at the same time growing in the adoptive parents hearts.  i don't know exactly what i was anticipating to happen, but it never did.  again we elaborated on how some babies grow in mommy's belly like vito, while others are brought into the family through adoption, "just like you seany".  he just smiled and agreed.

i will continue to include the adoption books in with our evening story time and see if any questions arise in the future.  hank and i talked with the boys about gaining a new baby brother or sister one day and they very much liked the idea.  seany requested that we adopt a baby, "because i don't want mommy to be in the hospital".

at this stage in the game i feel like we have been trying to conceive for an eternity and my patience is growing thin.  even before we started trying this time i had a feeling it was going to be difficult. i don't know why, and had not one single reason to back up my gut feeling but as of now it's ringing to be true.  we had also discussed that even if we were not able to conceive we would be more than thrilled to adopt again. my family will grow...  this is a promise i have made to myself.

i have never for one tiny second doubted myself on the choice we have made as a family to adopt.  i look at my boys as two perfect gifts just sent in two different types of packaging.    they are my proof that the power of prayer truly exists for those whom believe.

we are gearing up for seany's gottcha day!  august 12 will be four years since we saw his little face for the first time.  i cannot control what the future holds for seany as an adopted child, but you can bet your bottom dollar i will give it my all in trying to make it a splendid one:)

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