big helps little:0)

this was by far the sweetest moment of the week!!!

we had just walked in the font door from a blustery cold and damp night at grants farm.  i ran to answer a ringing house phone and daddy went to let the dogs out. poor vito was left stranded in the entry way trapped inside his winter coat.  thank heavens for big brothers that come to your rescue!  what sweet boys i have....

leaves are falling!!

fall is without question my most favorite time of the year.  after months of hot, sticky, and humid weather the cool fall breezes feel better than ever.  the warmer temps appear to be clinging on a little longer than usual for this time of the year but its not stopping us from our fall duties.  i've been burning my pumpkin spice candle daily and seany even helped me bake some yummy apples that the boys collected at eckerts for jonahs birthday party.

our house is adorned with the spookiest,or as vito says pookiest, halloween decorations you ever did see and   we are already equipped with this years costumes.  a robot for vito, and seany finally narrowed it down to wolverine.

seany has been working extra hard at preschool so what better reward than a surprise picnic lunch with mommy and vito after school.  we walked straight over to the park and spread our blanket out underneath a huge tree.  we talked about his day at school and for some reason he was more animated than usual.  i think he was  proud of himself  for getting a good report from the teacher at school, but more so that i acknowledged the fact.  my lil buddy is finally realizing how to go with the flow of being a big boy at school.

we collected sticks and the boys ran around in the empty racquetball court.  its always the most simple things that they enjoy best of all.

vito and i recently took a stroll through the dungeon.  this was our second attempt and it was sucessful.  the first attempt was short lived with just two tiny steps inside the front door. he put on the brakes took one good look around and that was it.  we were out of there.  vito was "cared of dose pookies".

this time he was super brave and headed straight in. he held up pretty well until we saw a wicked baby in a trash can, he did not like that one bit.

see for your self:

and then there was also "that yady".  thats when he was ready to go.

his little voice just kills me with cuteness.


we have tons to look forward to this season.  AB night at grants farm, seany's birthday, halloween play date at the house, trick or treating with our cousins and party at aunt sarah's, these are just a few.  i got to get away this past weekend for a girls weekend at the ozarks that involved 2 things, shopping and good food!!  is there anything better than that?  nope!   in november hank and i are joining our good friends for a birthday weekend in VEGAS BABY!!!   can't believe i'm gonna be 30.  this will be our first time ever leaving our kids at the same time overnight.   the boys are gonna hang with meemaw, i'm sure they'll have a good time.  pics to follow...

"stumble upon"

this is what popped up the first time i hit "stumble upon"  google this, i know you will like it!

25 Lessons I Wish I Had Learned WAY Sooner

When I think of my younger, thinner, stupider self, I think, “Holy crap.  If I knew then what I know now…”  Well, here are some of the things I wish I knew then.

1. 1 out of 4 people that you meet won’t like you.  That’s really OK.
2. Life isn’t fair.  Most of the time it’s not fair in your favor, so don’t whine about life not being fair.
3. Save your money.
4. No one knows what you’re thinking unless you tell them.
5. Perfectionism will kill you.
6. You’re stronger than you think you are.
7. You think that sexism and racism were in the olden days.  They’re not.
8. Comparing yourself to others is never a good idea.
9. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.  People are consistent.
10. Develop critical thinking skills and use them.
11. Never hide your intelligence from anyone.
12. Trust your instincts.
13. 80% of everything is irrelevant
14. Spend WAY less time worrying about the shape of your body.
15. Stay away from credit cards.
16. There are lots of men who will be nice to you.  Accept nothing less.
17. Be nicer to yourself too.
18. For the most part, it doesn’t matter what people think.  Follow your own truth.
19. No education is wasted. Drink in as many new experiences as you can.
20. Pay your dues.  Work hard.
21. Networking is critical.
22. Letting go of control is liberating.  Try it.
23. Don’t treat anyone badly.  You’ll be surprised when they’ll pop up again in your life.
24. Do what you love, not what you think you’re supposed to do.
25. Don’t forget to enjoy your journey!

preschool

i can't even believe seany is going to school.  my days of beboppin around town, play dates on any chosen day, and having my boys all to myself are now just beautiful memories that i will forever cherish and keep stored in that special little space in my brain.  you know that little space that all mothers have.  where we keep the little simple things that seem like no big deal to everyone else, but are the most special little moments that will forever be stamped all over our hearts.
i always hear parents commenting how they can wait for summer to be over so the kids can return to school.  i love spending my days filled with action figures all over the floor, cartoons monopolizing the television, little hands pawing all over my clothes, and little mouths constantly asking for a snack.  i enjoy going to the zoo two days in a row, and making trips to the store just to check out the holiday decorations.  seany will ask to go to michaels (craft store) just to look at the halloween stuff and for some reason is obsessed with putting glittery spiders in his mohawk.  i promised him we could purchase a few when they go on clearence!

 like i said, those days are over and my little seany is now a big boy in preschool.  i chose hopemark preschool due to the cozy little feeling you get as soon as you arrive at the top of the stairwell.  the preschool is nested in the attic of a church and consists of one tiny little hall adorned with entries that will lead you 2 classrooms, 2 tiny bathrooms, and 1 nice size office.  i love the tiny size, and the fact that it was founded in 1971 and is still  going strong is enough said.  i visited the early childhood center in mehlville where we live and while it was a super nice facility, it was by no means what i was looking for.  i love old things that are small and simple yet rich with character.  that is exactly what hopemark is!

first day of school was a hands down success.  only one complaint  from the new student..... "i'm not ready to go home" .  "don't worry" i say.  "we will come back".

best part of preschool for mommy.....i get to spend some alone time with my vito!  vito is a completely different lil guy when flying solo.  once he gets over the fact that he is not able to attend preschool with his brother he is ready for some mommy and me time all to himself.  

labor day fun!!

this years labor day weekend left a smile on my face and my pants a lil tight.  4pm on friday we headed over to pick up mr. kyluan and travel straight to tropicana lanes.  we always try to save the most fun things for when kyluan comes to visit.  earlier that day i found a groupon for bowling, so i figured we'd give it a whirl.  kyluan being the natural athlete that he is, was quick to give those pins hell.  he was equally thrilled with each ball  that rolled down the lane, and continued to ask if he "was still winning", at the end of his turn.

 seany had more fun slippin and sliding on the slick wood floor, and the balls that he did roll took about 45 seconds to make it to the other end.

i was delighted to find vito snuggled in my lap most of the time, due to him being" scared of spookies" .  ??hmmm, halloween should be interesting this year.

over all we had fun, but probably won't be in a hurry to return any time soon.

saturday morning we had our last dip in the pool for the season.  we took many trips through the lazy river, and hank counted numerously how long kyluan could stay below the water.  we were completely drained from the sunshine and decided to keep our evening pretty uneventful.  we headed to the grocery store, where the boys found themselves behind the wheel sailing up and down the aisles.  laughter and smiles for everyone involved!!

both sunday and monday evenings were full of good friends and tasty food.  the weather was as if i tore a page straight out of a fairy tale, and mother nature probably couldn't repeat it even if i double dared her.

oops i almost forgot.  we sneaked in a 15 minute drive by at suson farms on monday afternoon before nap time.

cute little things that popped out of the mouths of my babe's

kyluan- wanted 2 donughts from qt.  "i want a long john and a circle john"  

seany- after saying the our father before bed  "mom does jesus teach everybody how to fight evil" , "he's just like a super hero", i reply" yep your right seany he is the biggest super hero of all!"

instant panic

this all took place tuesday.  it was a pretty low key day.  the boys and i decided to stay home since the days prior i spent a lot of time visiting with my grandma at the hospital.  i got caught back up on laundry, started to prepare dinner for the evening, and did my usual clean sweeps through each room of the house.  the boys played with their action figures, we played in the basement, and watched a couple of goofy shows on television.  after the boys went down for their nap, i had a few people come over for hair cuts, and then the four of us sat down to eat dinner as a family.  after dinner hank was cleaning up the kitchen and i took a seat in front of the picture window in our living room.  we all find our selves spending more time in the living room these days, which i find nice because their is no tv to stare at and the boys and i have a good time just bird watching.  lately we seem to always have some type of bug crawling up the opposite side of the glass and the boys giggle because we can see the bug's belly.
i picked up the cordless phone and scrolled through the caller id.  i came across a name that seemed all to familiar.  instant hot flash set in as i yelled to hank in the other room.  "who's so and so" i asked even though i already knew the answer." i think it's  the parents as teachers lady" he replied. i jumped out of my chair ran to get my cell phone and scrolled through my list of contacts.  the phone numbers were a perfect match.  "i knew it" i said.  it was our attorney that represented us for seany's adoption.  the name that was listed on the caller id   was his partner's, that's why is was questionable.  i was instantly sick to my stomach.   hank tried to act calm, but i could see right through him.  what could he be calling the house for i wondered?  i ran to the answering machine only to find that it had been turned off  by one of the children.  of course, i was expecting the worse.  what if his birth mother is now trying to appeal.  what if the great great aunt, or anyone for this matter had filed some type of petition for who knows what.  in the blink of an eye i had returned to a very dark time in my life.  i was petrified and my legs felt heavy, almost as if i was sinking into the kitchen floor.  the tears began to fall.  "what are we going to do?".  ''what if blah blah blah".  i kept rambling on.  hank tried to keep reassuring me everything was fine.  he thought that maybe he was calling to talk to him about a quik trip donation for the adoption day that is held in november. "i doubt it"  i said, "why would he call the house for that"?  hank got out the lap top and began to search for the man's home phone number.  as his fingers franticly pecked at the key board sweet voices from the other room were talking back and forth about what they were going to be for halloween.  in between 2 brothers sat a crumpled up halloween catalog, and with every page that was turned a new choice and idea arose.  they had been looking at this catalog off and on for over a week, but this time was much different for me.  though the voices were precious, each and every word that leaked from their tiny mouths made my stomach churn.  i later found that daddy agreed.  these two are brothers and at this very moment my warped mind thought someone must be out to destroy such a thing.
hank found a matching name and address. " i guess you'll be knocking on someone's door this evening huh"?  two seconds later he found the phone number.  he called and the line was busy.  he tried again and bingo we got a hold of him.  "hi john this henry schwartz.  i'm so sorry to call you at home but see we are in a bit of a panic."
..........................for the first and only time in my life i am happy to admit that hank was absolutely right.  our attorney was calling about a donation for adoption day.  there was instant relief, however i could not stop crying.  only ten minutes had passed from the time i discovered the number and when  hank made the phone call.  i still couldn't get past the visions of  a ripped apart, incomplete family that would haunt me for a life time.
ironically just one day prior,randomly while standing in vito's door way i thought to my self  "i think i may be finally done worrying." i guess i was completely wrong. i hope one day to be cut from the strings that seem to always pull me back,  but then again i think twice.  those same strings keep me connected to the past of which   make me the person i am today.  life is good!!!

this is a comment i submitted on the topic of adopting through foster care for parenting magazine

it all started just about four years ago. my husband and i had completed the nine weeks of training, countless pages of paperwork, background checks, fingerprints, and a completed home study which included a youthful picture of the two of us at the age of 25.
we started our journey with the intention of just fostering and accepted our first placement two months later. to keep this post from dragging on forever, i’ll just say this placement was as precious as a two year old can be, and his mother did everything she was asked of. his stay at our home lasted 14 months and then he returned home to
his mother. we formed a special bond with his mother and after 3 years he still comes over to visit. it was a win win for everyone involved,yet sadly at the same time not the norm for other children in foster care.
our next placement, was a drug addicted newborn straight from the hospital. his stay was short lived, since he ended up actually having a relative whom was a licensed provider. i was sad to see him go, however in his situation he was lucky to have a relative come forward in the beginning.
our third and FINAL placement joined our home on august 12 2007. he was a nine month old baby boy, taken away from birth mom due to dangerous and unhealthy living conditions. we thought this would be a short stay. you know like ” maybe they can just clean the house and make some repairs”. well to say the least we were so naive.
from day one his birth mother showed no attempt in completing any of the services that were ordered. visits were suppose to be weekly but only happened on an average of once per month. the longer a parent takes to complete services, the longer the whole process takes.
as the days pass our bonds with the child grew stronger and stronger. days turn in to weeks, weeks turn in to months and before we knew it a complete year had snuck by.
the judge okayed the termination of parental rights process to begin and by this time we the foster parents had formed a pretty good relationship with the birth mother and grandmother. we expressed our interest in adoption and several months later the birth mother
decided that she would consent and said she was all for us adopting her son. sounds to cut and dry,”to good to be true”, your exactly right. after the child being in our care for almost 17 months, i received a phone call that flipped my dream world upside down. out of no where a great great aunt had decided that she wanted to adopt him. this same individual admitted she was completely aware that he was in foster care, but she thought her niece had been doing what needed to be done for his return. this same individual had never entertained the idea of visiting her nephew while in foster care and more importantly failed to offer any assistance or support for the mother through the whole process. this same individual as far as i’m concerned was a complete stranger to this child. children’s division completed her home study and even allowed her weekly supervised visits, which were at best only tolerable for the child.
as time went on this case went onto an adoption staffing. hooray my husband and i were chosen as the preferred family for his adoption and we could now move forward and file a petition with the court. we were excited and thought their was finally a light at the end of our tunnel. just as we started to let our guards down a bit, we discovered the relative also had filed a petition for adoption. know instead of us going to court for a happy adoption day we were now faced with a trial. my husband and i both had to testify on the stand, and it was very lengthy and detailed. at the end the judge said she would rule within 2 weeks. the days passing were long and stressful.
by the grace of god we were chosen as the forever family. the judge had ruled in our favor and seeing the name change on the court papers, and that i was listed as his mother on his new birth certificate was amazing. finally we had a new beginning to the rest of our lives. almost 26 months had passed from the day he entered foster care to the day our adoption was completed. were most days emotionally miserable at that time yes, would i do it all over again? Absolutely